When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Oxy-moron of the day: An optimistic pessimist.
"In these irrationally exuberant times, it's getting harder and harder for the self-respecting pessimist to stay unhappy. So pervasive is the hope, so overwhelming the positivity, that without the firmest grip on your sullen perspective, you might actually lose it. Then one day, you wake up looking at the bright side, whistling some inane showtune, and generally annoying everyone around you."
Neat.
Then again, aren't optimists creatures full of negative thoughts as well? Maybe just one negative thought. That life after death, or rather the lack of it, is enuogh cause for living out their present ephemeral and too often shittily worthless existence to the max. Perfect little Pollyannas too hesitant to a scenic ride down spookily serene River Styx; too wimpy to throw a juicy chunk of thigh bone to an absolute darling of a hellhound - Cerebrus.
I regard such hopers with condescension.
Is there anything inherently wrong in looking forward to a better place and better time after death? Why the ceaseless prosecution, when all I believe in is divine intervention? Why the violent opposition, when a city of providence *hopefully* (see how optimistic I am) is my final destination?
I've been hurt last night. By words, words sharper than a double-edged sword. A string of syllables that stung, of which the hurt still stays.
Friend. Stressed, upset. Friend asked for pointers. Pointers I gave, and shot with a ricochet of biting, biting words I was.
- "Grab some past year papers."
- "What's the blahdee use? I don't even know whether my solutions are right or wrong."
- "Study groups can work wonders. Get a group of friends to do with you, then compare and cross-check answers. As a last resort, drop the prof an email."
- "~!@#$%^&*. I'm not the type of person who boh dai boh jee email profs ok?"
Excellent. So, I belong to the category of that type of person. Thanks. Sincere gratitude straight from the heart. Honto ni arigatoo gozaimasu. Gracias. Xie xie ni.
Friend, or fiend? Wtf was wrong with him? Came up to me with a pallid face (literally, tmd beh hoon kia), as though he just so freshly received an ashen caress from death (which the verse above extols.. muahaha), thrashed out his exam woes and ever so conveniently used me as a punching bag to vent his frustration.
Sweet bastard. May you never catch wind of what I wished upon a star for you last night.
